It’s been a pretty crazy past few months for me. The stress just kept adding and adding up. Work saw added to the bulk of that pressure. My focus was lacking. I went into a period of self doubt. It was rough. However, after a bit of self-reflection, I realized that when I looked myself in the mirror, I was proud of the person staring back at me. No matter what any one else says or thinks, I’m a good human being. I’m a gentleman. I’m a great filmmaker.
I like to believe that I am humble. However, there are times when external forces out of your control attempt to belittle who you are and what you’ve done. At the end of the day, you just have to tell those negative forces to go fuck themselves. I took a step back and watched everything that I ever produced. Though (in my eyes) there are things that I wish I could go back and improve, I’m so proud of everything I’ve done. I remember everything that went into each film/ project. I remember the joy I had from watching the finished product.
Last weekend I had to make a short film for one of my classes. It had been a while since I’d written/ directed a short film. I was affraid I was rusty; wondering if I could match what I had done in the past. Ultimately “having” to make the film turned into “wanting”’ to make the film. Something completely just for me and not for anyone else.
After I got done editing said project, I was amazed to see that nothing was lost. That passion, skill, and intuition was in me all along. It didn’t ever leave. Everyone I’ve shown the film to so far has been quite positive with the feedback, even breaking some expectations. I’m excited to show the rest of the world and you in next few weeks. Until then, check out my award-winning film made last summer with just a $200 camera and a labor of love.
