Kelly Li

San Francisco. With the Golden Gate Bridge, historic Chinatown, and endless hills, that city is most definitely one grand city by the bay.

The trip as a whole was quite memorable. We left on a Friday afternoon and spent the next seven or so hours driving with a dinner break at Wendy’s before the final few hours until being on the Bay Bridge and finally our hotel. I must say that at night, San Francisco is breathtaking. I could go on and on about the adventures and conversations had within those few days, but I think most of those stories should stick within the five of us who went on that journey.

I will say though that was a pleasure having our film shown at the Presidio Theater and doing a Q&A (something I really hope to be doing much more of in the future). Also, our film was lucky enough to be chosen as not only one of the Top 16 films (out of the 75 best films from across all the universities on the West Coast), but also nominated for Best Drama at that level. And we’re headed to the International Grand Finale for CMF in June of 2010.

To speak honestly, I was originally disappointed by the fact that our film did not take home the prize of Best Drama of the West Coast. I can’t say I wasn’t. I’m just the type of person who always strives to be the best and aim to be the best in whatever it is that I do. I can fully respect a film that with a better story than one that I had told, but I’d rather not speak on my personal opinions of the film that did win. Whatever it is that I do think and/or feel is that of my own opinion. What I can say is that I am proud and grateful, so proud, of my team, our film, and how far it has gone and will hopefully continue to go. I mean, we made someone in the audience gasp, “Jesus.” You know you’ve affected someone when that’s what they gasp.

In relating to personal subjectivity, interesting thing to me was that not too long ago, a friend of mine had told me that her friend had also made a film for CMF. When my friend had told this other filmmaker about my film, a look had come across their face and with that, expression of jealousy over that fact that my film had made it to these next levels of the competition and garnered the recognition it did in comparison to their film. This other filmmaker then went on to discuss their use of aesthetic in connection with the symbolism to what they had tried to tell; the framing of the character, the lighting of their face, etc. My friend became overwhelmed with all of this information.

For me, in hearing this, it makes me realize how much inner growth I’ve achieved these past few years as a filmmaker. Just a couple of years ago, I spent so much time meticulously planning out every single frame so that aesthetically this particular element would convey the emotion of one character at that moment of the story. Even after the film was complete, I’d go on in detailing to people how this was meant to convey that. It took some more experience and growth for me realize that if you have to go explaining through words what you intended for your audience, you’re not doing your job as a filmmaker.

As a filmmaker, your job is to tell your story using all that you have to convey story and stir emotions in your audience through what they’re experiencing when watching your film. You shouldn’t have to tell your viewer that the blue color of their shirt represents the calm emotional qualities of that character. If someone asks you for confirmation if that was your original intent, then yes, of course. However, if you tell your story correctly, then they should just get that information and that emotion by watching your film. That’s the magic of film. Film is purely subjective. What’s great to one person may not be to another. It’s all in the personal opinion of the individual.

I watched this other filmmaker’s film, and for me, I, personally found a few elements cliché and some shots that took away from the emotional impact that it could have had from the audience. But that’s my personal opinion. I’m not saying that what I’m saying is right.

I have so much more to grow as a filmmaker. I know that. I never want to stop growing. At the same time, I am proud of my talent as a filmmaker. With each film I make, I hope it’s different and better than the last. Better to me, not to anyone else. I know the audience that I want to make films for, but when it comes down to it, I make films for myself.  I only hope that there are people out there that enjoy being entertained by the same stories I do.

I’m not saying my film is better than this other filmmaker’s film. How can you really compare two such different stories? Perhaps the execution of telling those stories can be judged on certain levels. Obviously, a mutual audience preferred mine over to theirs in comparison. For me, I’m always happy when even one person is able to watch my film and be affected by it. I know I say that quite a bit, but it doesn’t ever stop being true.

I recently had one of my co-workers watch my film, and afterward, go off for ten minutes in explaining to me how it affected him and the parts of the film that just really hit him hard. I was just in blissful shock because everything that he had told me in those ten minutes was everything I had tried to convey through five minutes and even things that I never originally intended to do apparently I did.

Honestly, the biggest thing I’ve learned as a filmmaker is to tell your story the best way you know how, and let the relationship between the film and the audience do the rest.