Kelly Li
The Official Blog of filmmaker, Kelly Li.Official Website at:
http://www.KellyLi.com
“You know what, screw this. I’m gonna do this, and I’m gonna do it for me. I don’t care what anyone says.
That was what I said almost five years ago (in terms of my aspirations towards my goal of becoming a successful filmmaker). I realized today that it’s been a little while since I’ve really focused on myself and really thought about where I am at this point in my life and where I should go next in terms of my career. It’s time to catch up with me.
Most recently, I’ve been working on a commissioned short for this year’s Los Angeles Asian Pacific Film Festival 2012 (LAAPFF) as part of their “Armed with a Camera” Fellowship. Last time I was a part of LAAPFF was back in 2010 when I won that year’s Best Short Screenplay Award. It’s been a great community to be a part of thus far, and I’m glad to be back and working with a group of great fellow filmmakers. Our films will be screening at the Director’s Guild of America on May 13th, and I can’t wait to show everyone my new one entitled, “Café Elevé” starring Julie Zhan.
Being a storyteller, more than just having a vision and a voice for a story you want to tell, is about having lived enough of life so that you can tell those stories realistically, in a way that’s not imagined feelings but ones that you’ve felt and can project onto the screen through what you do. I feel like I’ve been doing a lot of living in the past five years, also told new stories, but I still feel like I’m running behind.
Taking a big step back and looking at the bigger picture, I’ve come to realize life is about learning how to be patient when we’re creatures of complete impatience in this smartphone-induced world of immediacy. Things will come when they’re supposed to, but they won’t come by just sitting around and waiting. I’ve done a lot I can be proud of in the past five years, but I know that I could be doing so much more. It’s time for me to be a little more selfish and focus on doing whatever it takes to accomplish my dreams and my goals. Hopefully along the way, I can still experience a life full of love, laughter, and happiness.
To the next step!
-Kelly
“…you taught me something invaluable that I would never have come to know on my own. You taught me that there are some things love does not conquer — that you can love someone with all your heart and skin and organs and it will change completely nothing. You gave me a practical lesson: that a relationship cannot be carried by only one of its halves”
-Mila Jaroneic
A few friends had sent me this over the past couple of days, and I finally had a chance to sit and listen to it. Brene Brown discusses “The Power of Vulnerability” at TEDxHouston. If you haven’t checked it out yet, it’s definitely worth a listen. It definitely struck a chord with me.
Vulnerability is one of those feelings that we usually try and limit because it’s so closely linked to the potential to feel pain and disappointment. Though that may be true, the ability to be fully vulnerable… as Brown says is,
“…the willingness to say ‘I love you.’ first. The willingness to do something with no guarantees. The willingness to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out…”
I would personally like to add in that being vulnerable means to give of yourself without a guarantee of getting the same amount in return.
There have been few but existing times in my life where I have been the one to care more, to give more, to feel more. You’re always scared when that’s the case - when you’re the one to do so because then you feel vulnerable. It’s easier to feel the sting of heartache because it means you’ve given away a part of yourself that you hope the person who now has it will nurture instead of break.
The results aren’t always positive. Sometimes you will feel that heartache (probably even more than the other person). But what I’ve come to realize is that although you feel the bad with such intensity, allowing yourself to be vulnerable allows you to feel the good with the same intensity. I’m sure we’ve all reached points before where we simply felt numb to the things that bring us pain, but to feel numb is to feel nothing at all.
Life is all about moments - good, bad, and sometimes indifferent. It’s an amalgamation of all these pieces that somehow all fit together in ways that we usually can’t even imagine. Personally, I’d rather let myself be seen, be fully seen for who I am rather than what I’m not. I’d rather love with my whole heart instead of just part of it because that means I have the ability to truly love and receive love. I’d rather be vulnerable and feel everything (sometimes simultaneously) rather than nothing at all.
During the last week of every year, I usually reflect back on the past 12 months - the good, the bad, and everything in between. This year was no different.
I look back on pictures and think back to memories that prove 2011 was/ is (for the next 9 1/2 hours) definitely a year of growth and transition, in some ways much more so than others.
A quick recap of 2011 (the good parts):
This year, I also lost a person who was incredibly important to me. He was a man whom I wish I could have gotten to know more than I was able to, but he was a man loved by many. I continue to learn more about him through the memories and moments shared by those who loved him.
From something of sadness and loss, this year I learned that life is ultimately but a moment, a spec in the history of this vast universe. I’m a thinker… or actually, an OVER-thinker. It’s just a part of who I am. However, the older I get, and the more I realize that life should not be about the words you left unsaid, the things you wish you did, and the dreams that never became a reality.
As one year ends and a new one is about to begin, I will continue to speak with truth, act with integrity, love with passion, and live a life with no regrets.
